Abandoned

Title

Abandoned

Artist

Moore Creative Images

Medium

Painting - Acrylic On Foam Board

Description

Before my ex-wife left me, we had a big verbal blowout of a fight. I said many mean, harsh choice of words to her that I knew would cut her deeply inside. After the verbal fight was over, she told me that she didn't recognized me at all. She told me that I had a different look at the time. She told me that I needed help for my anger. Anger. Not hate. I agreed that I needed help. We then sought a one time marriage counselor. In that meeting she told the counselor and I that she was still in the marriage. When she told me this, that reassured my heart for her and later on that day, I gave her a new set of wedding rings that I paid for by selling lots and lots of my personal comics because she had told me weeks before, (actually days after our verbal fight) that her wedding rings were "stolen" at her work place. (why would the rings be off her fingers I do not know.) When she received the rings she told me that I shouldn't have done that. "I shouldn't have done that." That's what I for being so blinded.

About a week later she moved in with one of her girlfriends at work. She was staying at her moms for a bit for things to really cool off, but apparently her and her mom got into it cause her mom told her to go home and work on the marriage. She didn't like that.

The more time that she spent with her girlfriend, the less time she spent it with me. I saw her less and less everyday. When she was off work I tried calling her. not answer. I texted through out the day when I knew she was break. No reply. There were even days when I took food for her for her lunch. When she did come out, she had this certain look on her, like what are you doing here look. With those looks I knew I was rapidly losing her.

You see, within the first 3 years of the marriage, divorce was not in our vocabulary. Not even jokingly. We were "suppose" to take our covenant seriously with our God.

When I was getting no answers, no reply, I felt like I was being ignored, rejected, abandoned.

I already had depression, and with my soon-to-be ex-wife not responding, I fell rapidly into depression, Fast.

When I was home alone, I didn't do, couldn't do anything, I barely ate, barely did any house work. Hardly any sleep. All I did mostly was lay in my daughters bed, for she was not there that summer. Lay in bed, covers over my head. Day dream the times I had with my wife. Fantasize on ways to end myself.

I wanted to end myself either by finding rope, tie the rope around my neck and the other end around the bed post. Accidently choke myself. Another fantasy was for me to run the car off a cliff and into the state park lake. Another one was to get smeared by on coming traffic hoping that my bicycle would malfunction.

This painting is me, stuck in a deep dark wet hole. Left abandoned, alone, cold, ashamed, fatigued, naked to the sickness in my head.

More paintings to come... .

Uploaded

November 6th, 2015

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