Why are you testing me so much...? Why are you constantly showing me how terrible I am...? You keep giving me the opportunities I don't know how to deal with... You force me to tear myself in half with every choice I make, why? Why are you testing me so much...? You know I want good... You know so well how good I wanna be... Why are you constantly pushing me towards this direction, knowing I cannot get out of this shell of darkness inside of which I've been living my whole life...? You watch me try and get hurt each time// Does it entertain you?Am I a good show to you? Or do you really believe I can finally get out? I don't feel it anymore... I don't think I believe it. With every scar I get even more twisted and complicated... How on earth can anyone get me out of the knot I've been tangling my whole life...? I am so deep in it... sometimes I cannot breath freely. The weight of accumulating complication within myself is crushing my mind mercilessly... I can feel it, I can hear it getting shattered, yet again... Soft Simplicity... are you the key for me? If so... why does it hurt so much when I try to reach for you... I want you... but I don't even know why... You're so pure and so innocent... I don't want anyone lay a hand on you... They won't see it, they can't appreciate it the way I do... Please, make it stop... Why didn't you listen to me when I said we are not meant for each other... Now it's too late... It already hurts so much letting you go, I don't want to... Should I trust you// or myself? I don't know if I want to listen to myself any more... I am afraid to trust you... I am also afraid to trust myself... Give us time... Time will fix it... It always does, everything... Stay with me... Don't leave me and I will figure it out... Be strong for both of us now... so I can be there for you when you will need me. I am so trapped... This room... This fcking room is my jail... There's no key waiting outside for you... The key is in your mind... It has always been there... Only you can get yourself out of here... Yea... but I need a good reason to dig it out, don't I...? Yea... That you do... It's true...
December 23rd, 2017
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